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August 16, 2013
My brother, Pozeb Ly, wrote this on his facebook wall and it showed up on my news feed. I didn't respond to the post as I didn't want to start a war on facebook. I thought, however, I would address it here:

Maisee Xiong: Pozeb Ly Rant

red block Funny how you even have the nerves to say "the nerve of some ppl" when it was you who childishly unfriended me on facebook. I'm certain that was the lowest of all lows. Yet, I find it fascinating that you're so carious about my life that you admitted to using your wife's account to view my fb page! And for the record, I haven't unfriended your wife from my fb page and I'm still posting stuff. I'll let you figure that one out, Smart-Ass.

red block For the record, it was almost 3 years that I've stayed away. September 2013 marks the 3 year anniversary that my mother said: "If you want to know how I would feel if anything were to happen to my grandsons, when you get home, let your kids die. Then, you'll know how I would feel." Now, can anyone blame me for staying away after she cursed those words? She had absolutely no business bringing my kids into the mix. What kind of mother is she to wish that shit upon me anyway when she, herself, have been devastated by the lost of two daughters. So why the fuck would she want to wish that same devastation onto me? Until someone wishes this shit upon you and your kids, don't you dare judge me for deciding to stay away because you don't even know the heartache that this shit has caused me! So don't talk about heartache when you don't even know how it feels to have your very own mother wish this shit upon you and your kids.

red block Are you threatening me and the people who helped cover for me? Let me tell you something, some of the people who helped cover for me are some of the closest people to you. Think about that for a second. And you want to talk about me getting myself disowned? Do you think I care at this point? Shit, when my Father's two sons couldn't even help him save his house, it was me, his Daughter, that helped save his house. If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't even have a house anymore. And yet, I still can't get the same respect from him that he gives to his sons? He can't appreciate what I had to sacrifice so that he can have a place to live? I'm not quite sure what more I can do to prove to him that I'm just as worthy of his love and respect. So, to the whole disowning me crap, I say "FUCK IT!"

red block Okay, okay. My badd. Maybe the word "love" isn't the right word. Or is it? Put yourself in my shoes, Pozeb, and pretend for a second that you have a pussy. How would you feel, after helping Dad save his beloved house, that you were told he said: "...it's okay if you don't have daughters because you don't need daughters." Now how would you feel? I totally felt as though he is blind and couldn't see or appreciate what I'd done for him. He should have been thankful for having a daughter because without a daughter he would have been homeless. So, where is the love for me, his daughter?

red block Ha ha ha. You act as though you have NEVER EVER lied to Mom and Dad. What a hypocrite you are! In fact, isn't it true that you actually got Dad to lie, on your behalf, to your father-in-law? I believe your father-in-law was concerned about your job status and so you had Dad lie to him, saying that you were moving to MN because your wife's job was more secure than yours. I guess technically your job is less secure considering you are currently unemployed living on unemployment. Why are you being deceptive to your father-in-law. Shit, at least I have never asked my in-laws to lie or cover up for me.

red block You know, you're lucky you were born with a penis. I mean, I'm not sure why I'm being punished for being born with a pussy; it's not like I got to chose my gender. But, nonetheless, I was born a daughter and for that I got to deal with all the crap that you didn't have to deal with because you were born a son. I do envy you and what you are given and how you are treated better for being a son. And it upsets me that you would accuse me of being fake with my feelings when you have no idea what I've been put through for being a daughter. Maybe when you have a daughter you should treat her like how I've been treated; maybe you need to hear it from her to know how I really feel. It would sadden me if it has to come to that. And I would agree with you that the truth will come out. I know I have nothing to hide or twist. Do you?
 
 

 
August 14, 2013
 
I didn't get to bed as early as I had wanted to last night but it was earlier than my norm. And even then, I didn't sleep very well. I kept tossing and turning and I kept waking up. I blame the depression. I totally think it is in full swing. I'm still taking my happy pills every night but I'm sure when the despression is coming on full throttle there is no pill that can fix it. I'm sure, though, that the pills are making it a bit more tolerable. And yes, now I'm tired. I have a feeling I will be going home for a nap during the lunch hour. Fuck, that is 3 hours away. BLAH...
 

 
August 12, 2013
 
The first day of school totally wore out both of the kids. The Son was being a whinny butt by 7PM. I think The Daughter wasn't only because she still take naps at school. I finally decided that it wasn't worth fighting The Son and had him in bed by 8PM. Of course he had to put up a stinky fight because he didn't want to go to bed so early but in the end I prevailed. Both kids were knocked out within 30 minutes.

I almost didn't know what to do with all the free time I had since The Kids went to bed early. It has been awhile since they've been in bed this early. I did manage to read some more of Never Knowing by Chevy Stevens. I haven't decided on buying the book yet. I will say that her book, Still Missing, was excellent. I was not able to put the book down by choice. I had to force it upon myself. She definitely left an opening at the end so I'm really hoping for a sequel. I'm keeping my fingers crossed! :)

I also did a little bit of jogging. Slowly working with my bad knee. Shit, I'm just hit my 30's and I'm already falling apart. Not good.
 

 
August 06, 2013
 
I drove down to Merced, CA today to visit my sister. It's been at least 10 years since I've last visited her. I don't know when will be the next time that I will see her again. It took me three years to come back to visit after my mom said some pretty jacked up stuff in September 2010. With the fallout on Saturday, I'm sure it will be more than 3 years before I am back again. And if I am back, it will not be to see my family.

I know all of this sounds harsh. But at the point in my life, where I just have to realize that there is nothing more I can do to have my parents love me like how they love their sons. I'm going to walk away with my head held high, thank them for making me a strong woman, and go on with no regrets. My life will continue without them. My life will be less complicated without them. They act like I'm worthless as a daughter. They act like they don't want a daughter. And that's what I'll give them because there is no use fighting for respect anymore.
 

 
August 05, 2013
 
There are some people who think I have already fled the state of California. But that is not the case. I am so in California at the moment. I "left" because I didn't feel welcomed at my parents house. I felt like I was only there because they needed me to be there and not because they wanted me to be there. And with the ceremony behind us my parents had no use for me. Why stay? There was no reason to stay. Honestly, I should have left Friday night. I should have just said, "The hell with the ceremony" and walked out. It would have definitely caused chaos. They would not have been able to go through with it without me. Do you not agree with me that I should have left? Not even if I tell you that someone mentioned to you that your dad had made a general statement saying "If you have daughters then you have daughters. But if you don't have daughters then that's ok because you don't need them." Still not convinced? What if I also told you that you, as the daughter, must be present for the ceremony; that the ceremony is not possible without your presence. And are you convinced now? I was. I mean, here were my parents saying "The shaman says that a daughter must be present for the ceremony. You are my only daughter. I don't have any one else. You need to be here." And then, I hear what my dad said about having or not having daughters. Well, I don't think that he was ever able to put two and two together. If a daughter wasn't so important, then why did they need a daughter to be present in order to even do the ceremony?

Even my eldest cousin stated, "Your parents waited on you for this ceremony. Without you, it wasn't possible. They knew that. How can they say that stuff to you and how can they treat you so badly." Cause my parents don't value girls. There has even been several times where my parents have said in front of me, "we don't want granddaughters. We only want grandsons." I'm suppose to feel good about that? They have no desire to want girls in their life. Fuck, if my dad didn't have me as a daughter he would have fucking lost his house. His boys couldn't even come to his rescue. It wasn't the boys that saved his house. It was me! His daughter. His one and only daughter. And yet, I have no value to him. Really? Really, really?

Well, I can say I am sick of it. I am sick of them devaluing me. I am sick of them devaluing girls, period. They don't think a daughter is important. They don't think there is a purpose for daughters in this world. They will now have to learn the hard way. I am prepared to sever all ties with my family. I don't need or care for them if this is how they are going to treat me. My life will continue to function without them. And they better hope that I kill over before them. Cause while I am still alive and breathing, when they die, they will need me to be at their funeral. They will need me to be there to kill them that one cow. And no one will be able to represent me, on my behalf, without my permission. I really wish them all the luck in the world because they are going to need it. I'm not quite sure, at the moment, how any of them are going to convince me to show up at the funeral.

I know to some, this sounds really harsh. I'm just plan mean. Rude. Disrespectful. But don't judge me if you don't know my history. If you don't know What I have had to endure being my parents' daughter or if you don't know what it is like to be a daughter in a strict traditional Hmong family, then don't judge me. Here is the kicker though: even if you judge me, I could care less. Because I know, that unless you've experienced what I have experienced, your negative opinions don't mean jack to me; there are no substance behind your opinions.
 

 
August 04, 2013
 
Ceremony day. More on this later.
 

 
August 03, 2013
 
Drama day. More on this later.
 

 
August 02, 2013
 
My arrival. More on this later.
Maisee Xiong