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May 31, 2013
 
I told The Husband about yesterday morning. He was not impressed. He just shook his head. By now, this is not news to him. He knows that my mother is poison to me. He has always cautioned me to keep my distance. And I've never quite listened to him until after the September 2010 incident. Since then I haven't asked to go home. I haven't spoken to her except once in March of this year. But I kept it all business. It's just better that way. Cause I'm sure it will just be my feelings that will get hurt. I'm sure many of you may be wondering why I don't just talk to her. Well, she is too stubborn and she will never get it. If she hasn't gotten it by now she never will. I'm done trying. My corner has thrown in the white towel. There is no use.
 

 
May 30, 2013
 
I've been awake since 3:30AM. I'm in Denver for work again. This time things have gone so much better. The meeting with EMC and BRT went well. I think the systems engineer dude spoke too much but whatever. I just have to get through today and then I'll be home to see my babies. My brother and his girlfriend will be in town Saturday night and they'll stay until Tuesday. I've seen my brother at least once a month now for the last several months. It definitely helps with the homesickness. Sure, I can easily fly back home but I am not ready to allow my mom to see me. I've only really spoken to her once since September 2010. The things she said to me then still hurts and I don't think she deserves to see me or my kids. Most definitely not my kids. I think to say I hate her is an understatement. And I know those are harsh words but nothing can ever make up for what she had said to me back then. I may even feel sorry for her but then again I don't think I do. 

It sucks that I never had a great relationship with my mom. During my middle school years she was in and out of the hospital with my sister. When she was home most of her focus was on my sister. Sometimes it felt like she forgot about me. And I'm only saying "me" because I have never asked my brothers how they felt so I can't speak on their behalf. Once my sister past away it felt like my mom passed away along with her. So my mom was there but not really there. 

I can recall some of the horrific things:

PMS. Why I was bleeding from my vagina was beyond me. I never took a sex ed course and never had that talk. I remember using toilet paper as pads. Eventually, after several episodes, I was brave enough to tell my mom. It was then that she introduced me to the pads. But then, whenever she got mad at me, even for the littlest of things she would say stuff like, "Don't you ever use my pads again. Go buy your own damn pads." I should remind you that I wasn't even old enough to have a job yet. Every dollar I earned was through my semester grades and whatever I made picking berries in the fields. I was devastated, worried sick about how I will ever manage with the little money I had. 

Okay, I'm crying hysterically, so give me a minute to pull myself together...

Candy business. I loved candy. Which kid doesn't? Very frequently I found myself waiting for the small mom and pop shop in my neighborhood to open up in the morning so that I could buy a few things before going to the bus stop. I seem to always have candy at school. One day, a kid wanted to buy one of the airheads I had and so I offered to sell it to him double what I had paid for it. Before I knew it, I was buying and selling candy at school for profit. Eventually, with the Costco membership my mom had I was able to buy airheads in bulk which gave me a larger profit margin which meant I had a bit more money to help pay for a few things along the way.

I am drained. No more for tonight.
 

 
May 28, 2013
 
Maisee Xiong: Maisee Xiong with Ken Brennan

Recognize him? I did! I was outside Denver International Airport waiting for the Advantage Car Rental bus when I first spotted him on his cell phone waiting with the few of us. I kept glancing at him because I knew I recognized him from somewhere but couldn't put my finger on where. My mind was going nuts. You know, that feeling you get when you recognize a person but you can't place where you recognize them from. Yeah, that feeling! I kept glancing, thinking, listening to his voice. And then it hit me! But I still wasn't convinced. So the bus came and we all got on. I finally managed to find the courage and asked, "Hey. Why do you look so familiar?" Before he could answer, I continued, "Let me guess. You are, or were, a private investigator." He nodded. Confirmed. It was Ken Brennan (I didn't catch his name until later). For those of you who don't know, he was the private investor who handled a case in Florida where a blonde woman had gone missing from her hotel room. I originally saw the 2-hour special that aired on abc's 20/20 but you can watch and read about the case here.

It was unbelievable that I was able to recognize him just from seeing the 20/20 special, which was months and months ago. I was stoked! I wished I wasn't such an introvert because if I weren't, I would have asked him what he was doing in Denver. And then maybe when he said, "You should be a private investigator," I would have responded with "Take me on a case with you. I'll be your apprentice!" But no, I was too shy and nervous. I'm really not one to make small talk. Anyway, I was excited. He is probably the closest thing to a celebrity I will ever meet; well, celebrity in my book!

During my very brief exchange with Ken he mentioned that another case he was involved in will be airing soon called, The Body in Room 348. I couldn't find the video but I found this article here on the Vanity Fair website. I definitely loved how much he dropped the F bomb! It is one of my most favorite words! In fact, a friend once gave me a magnet that read "Everything is funnier with the word FUCK in it." I could have sworn I got a second one that said, "I don't have a foul mouth, I just like to say FUCK a lot" but I can't seem to place where I had put it.
 

 
May 22, 2013
 
1:42AM and wide awake. I can't blame anyone but myself though. The Kids wanted to lay down in our bed tonight so I decided to lay down with them. It's really the only time they will let me cuddle them. And then I fell asleep! I woke up around 11PM and went downstairs. The Husband asked me why I was awake. I told him, "I wasn't supposed to have fallen asleep." Yeah, yeah.

I made the mistake of eating the cheesecake brownie I purchased from Paradise Bakery earlier. Now I have the shits! I'm on the toilet updating you folks about my day. Haha. 

Did I mention I have another trip to Denver booked for the end of May? Yup. And this time I will miss the kids bursting through the doors, marking an end to the school year and the beginning of summer break. The school makes a big deal about it. Nothing formal, just for fun. But still, I won't get to see it. The Husband said I can watch it on video when I return. It's just not the same though. 

Today I got to work on some pretty fun stuff. Well, not necessarily fun, but it was something different from my day-to-day work so I was happy. I finalized a 30 page document of use cases and a process flowchart. But that wasn't the fun part. The fun part were the mockups. And I get to work on them some more tomorrow, I mean later today. I'm actually looking forward to going to work. Not that I hate going into work. It's only been dreadful lately because of my migraines. Well, mostly. 

And of course I haven't been on my walks. I did stop in at Red Dirt to get fitted for running shoes but they had to order the shoes in my size. Now I just need to pick them up. The diet is still jacked but I'm getting back to the salad a day routine again. And I haven't quite dressed up for work. Lets just say the 2 weeks of migraine killed me! I'm just now starting the recovering process. I haven't had one since Saturday. Hopefully I just didn't jinx myself!
 

 
May 21, 2013
 
Yummy elk burgers with onion rings. It was all very delicious!
Maisee Xiong: Elk burgers and onion rings
 

 
May 20, 2013
 
Maisee Xiong: The Daughter and Totoro TreeThe Husband found this oak tree growing in our backyard. The Daughter was absolutely thrilled when he handed it to her. She immediately thought of Totoro and Mei in My Neighbor Totoro! Both The Kids have been back at it with that movie. The first 2 years over The Son's life he spent watching this movie. It started once he figured out how to sit down. He wouldn't sit in one place for very long at all! I'm not sure what prompted The Husband to put on the movie, but he did. The opening credits soon caught The Son's attention. And for a long time we would sit with him and watch the opening credits. We would watch it and when it finished we would rewind it. This went on for at least 3 months. Then he started to sit through the first 5-10 minutes. So we would start from opening credits to 5-10 minutes into the movie. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. As his attention span increased he got further and further into the movie. Eventually, Totoro became our babysitter!

Then came The Daughter. The Son was just weeks away from turning 2 and he started to grow away from Totoro. He started getting into Dora and Diego and whatever was playing on Nickelodeon. And just around the time The Daughter was sturdy enough to sit on her own, we started playing Totoro for her. She too was captivated! Once again, Totoro became our babysitter for the next 1.5 years. Since then, they would ask to watch it every now and then. But lately, they have been requesting it non-stop. They even act out some of the scenes! And it's so cool to watch them too!

One last word of advice: If your kid(s) have not yet seen this movie, then get moving! Go to the movie store. Order it on Amazon. Don't just sit there, continuing to read my ranting!

When your child has watched the movie enough to recite the movie line by line, have them watch this: South Park Cthulhu and Totoro Parody. When The Daughter saw this two years ago, she was thoroughly confused! :)
 

 
May 19. 2013
 
Maisee Xiong: My catches from my fishing tripThey weren't that big but I was just glad I landed a few fishes over the weekend. It sucks that I wasn't able to bring to shore the one I spent 20 mins reeling in. This was the second time that I wasn't able to pull in whatever it was on my line. A year ago, I lost whatever it was that was on my line due to stupidity. I had panicked because I almost lost my fishing pole. By the time I was able to get my hands on it I had totally forgot to work my drag. It didn't help that I ran out of line! :| That was a year ago.

And then again this weekend. I was worried that I would run out of line as whatever it was just kept going and going. Luckily I didn't. The bad news was that I landed this fish on the wrong fishing pole. I had rigged The Husband fishing rod which only had 10lb line on for catfishing. In the end, this was how I felt: Jeremy Wade: Showdown with a Tarpon Killer Torpedo. No words can truly express how I felt when my fucking line snapped!.
 

 
May 18, 2013
 
I braved a 3.5 hour trip to Lake Red Rock, only to have some f'ing Hmong peeps come crowd in my area. Really? Oh, and then the ghetto boyfriend decides to start on a cancer stick. Really, really? I woke up this AM migraine-free, after having one just about everyday for the last 1.5 weeks. If I get a migraine cause this fuck-brain wants to fry his lungs, I will be pissed!!! I will stalk his ass and egg his car with the eggs I don't yet have. Not cool, dude. Not cool.

An hour later: finally they left. I still haven't caught anything and it's fucking hot!

An hour later: They've returned. I'm now in a different spot but they pretty much planted right next to the person who was already occupying that spot. It's just a rule of thumb that you should never park your ass right next to someone. At least a good 10 yards. Then again they are Hmong...those less civilized who lack etiquette and common sense.  And now the girlfriend has decided she is going to fry her lungs.  Okay, I'm done criticizing. I should be paying attention to my fishing pole.

* * *

The day was not a loss. I caught 3 catfishes, 2 drums and 1 small baby white bass. I will tell you that something bit my line around 10:30ish and just took off. I spent a good 20 minutes working my drag and reeling it in. And then all I heard was SNAP! I was heartbroken. If I wasn't standing on rocks I would have dropped to my knees and cried. I was so devastated! Nothing worse than not being able to bring in a fish to shore.
 

 
May 17, 2013
 
Legends U7/8 boys

Legends U7/U8 Boys Red team. I cannot believe the progress these little guys have made in just 1 year. In that one year, they went from a team that lost every game to a 7-1 team. The last game was the hardest to watch. I think everyone wanted these boys to have an undefeated season. But the boys didn't have a chance against the last team they played. The boys on the other team were 1st and 2nd graders. I think it didn't help that they played on a school night. But we're all proud of them and their progress. We celebrated afterwards at El Bees.

Legends Website
 

 
May 15, 2013
 
The Daughter and friends made this during Field Day 2013:
Maisee Xiong: Chalk-work by The Daughter & Friends
 

 
May 13, 2013
 
Fat, fat, and more fat. I can't seem to knock this weight back down. I did go for a walk this evening. I did t jog though as my thighs and glutes were sore from the walk/jog on Sunday. I hope that I can wake up early enough tomorrow to squeeze in a walk before The Kids wake up. 

I'm laying on the couch typing this out and I can hear The Husband behind me at the dinner table munching on...let me guess: ho-ho's.  And I was right! Bastard! Now I want some! They are calling my name. See, here's the problem with that shit. I do 99% of the grocery shopping. I don't buy that shit cause I know I will eat it. But then in that 1% where he goes to the grocery store he brings that shit home. So now it's sitting there, calling my name and Im fucking hungry. UGH! 

I'm going to bed. Fuck that ho-ho...that sounded dirty. Hahaha.
 

 
May 12, 2013
 
I woke up early this morning for a walk and ended up jogging for a bit.  I was quite proud of myself. My ankle was sore for the rest of the day. I'm not sure if this was due to bad shoes, inclines, or just bad health. Maybe it is a little of everything. The Husband suggested that I visit Red Dirt and see what they can do for me as far as shoe recommendations. I might need to look into that. 

The Son ended up playing a "friendly" soccer game with the other group of U7 boys (Legends - Black). They got their asses handed to them. The Husband did mention that the other team was the team from Norfolk who turned down the opportunity to play against the team The Son is on (Legends - Red). Apparently the word is that the Legends - Red team is good and that's why they wouldn't play against us. Truth is, the boys on Legends - Red team have played together for a year now, so there is chemistry between the boys. A year ago, this time, they got their asses handed to them every game. A year later and they have been undefeated since the season started. So proud of Legends - Red! I think in another year, Legends - Black will be a great team. There are several boys on that team that can run and play aggressively!! 

We the. stopped by the Mother's Day picnic hosted by the Hmong Church for a bit. We didn't stay long at all since we had The Daughter's recital to go to. Not sure if I really cared to have stayed any longer than we did anyway. I just had a really strange vibe this time and I've learned to always trust my instincts. Moving on...

It was intense being responsible for 14 little 3-4 year olds. I definitely don't think that they had the whole security thing figured out. It didn't matter who you were you had access to the whole back stage area. I will always volunteer to be a back stage mom for every future recital The Daughter is involved in. If for nothing but to keep an eye on her.  It was really crazy.

Overall I think it was a great experience for The Daughter and I think she loved it. She did get scared towards the end when all of the kids went crazy backstage while another group was dancing to Gangnam Style. Every little kid knew that song and danced to it. When the song was over they all screamed as if they were just on stage performing to that song. It was so funny!

I also bought her a little trophy for keepsake. She totally loved it.

Now, off to bed before this migraine gets any worse!
 

 
May 11, 2013
 
I think The Husband is trying to tell me something: that i'm fat.  He woke me up at 530AM and told me to go on my walk. 

"Hey, Babe. Wake up. You gotta go."

"Go where?"

"Your walk."

"Dude! It's 5:30. It's still dark out."

"The birds are chirping. That means there is enough light."

So I woke up and got dressed. Then he says, "Sunrise is 6:10. You're allowed to shoot a deer 30 mins before sunrise."

You're probably asking WTF does shooting a deer have to do with walking. Well, he was trying to tell me that you are allowed to shoot a deer 30 minutes prior to sunrise because that is when there is enough light for a hunter to be able to  positively identify a deer and shoot it. That means, given that sunrise is at 6:10, I should have plenty of light to go walking at 5:40. So I went! I didn't see any deers though. ;)

I went for my second walk this afternoon while The Daughter was napping. Not sure if I'll get on the treadmill tonight or if I will lift weights instead. We'll see how the night goes. Right now I am stuck at the Music Hall doing dance rehearsals.  We are just waiting for our time on stage - another half hour to go.  Tomorrow I will be responsible for all 14 little brats in The Daughter's class (my child is not a brat; she is the darling of the group).

Actually, she has been a brat recently. She is still recovering from bronchitis and has been really whinny and plain mean. Cries over every little thing that doesn't go the way she wants. She is usually not like this but it is staring to drive me crazy. I feel bad for those moms who have to deal with kids who are like this ALL the time. I should consider myself blessed.
 

 
May 10, 2013
 
Surprise, surprise! I didn't even budge until the alarm clock went off at 6:30 this morning. Like I said, I've been ubber exhausted. 

The Husband asked me WTF was wrong with me lately. He wasn't being mean about it. He's observing what is not the norm. He offered to take care of The Kids all weekend so that I can sleep and rest but that is not the greatest idea. I have tons to do around the house. I have soccer games to attend. I have a group of 4-5 year olds that I have to manage during Dance Recital night. The joy of being a mother! So, I told The Husband that I'd like to do my regular outdoor walk/jog if possible after we come home from dinner. He was cool with that. He even offered up babysitting time so that I can get an hour in on both Saturday and Sunday. What a great guy. I'm sure he knows I am burnt out (if that is what is wrong with me).

* * *

I was able to go out for a 1.5 hour walk. Picked up a few PowerBall tickets on the way home. Maybe I'll be the next millionaire! :) I'm sure that wont help this feeling I'm feeling. As The Husband said, "Whatever it is, it will pass." 

Oh yes, for those of you who care: Banana Republic Factory Store is having 50% off everything for Women.  Too bad there isn't one here (at least not yet). I can't wait until this fall when they open the new outlet here in town. No more having to drive far to get what I want!

I do have $40 worth of rewards to use up. And another $20 for Ann Taylor. I can't wait until I go back to Denver at the end of this month. I have to promise myself not to overspend though. But, but I love spending money. :)

It's 1030PM. I'm going to go to sleep and attempt to wake up tomorrow at 630AM for an hour long walk.
 

 
May 09, 2013
 
I'm not doing such a great job at keeping up with May. I haven't felt like myself in the last several days. I feel like shit. Maybe cause I am The Shit. LOL. But really, must be the depression. Ugh...this sucks.

* * *

I'm lying in bed now. I really do feel like shit. I can't really put my finger on why though. It's not The Husband. It's not The Kids. My weight has gone up since I came back from Denver. All of that pop to help keep me awake working that severity 1 ticket with EMC fucked me up. It didn't help that I was scarfing down Chik-fil-A late at night either. 

The Husband also noticed that I am on day 2 of no exercising. He encouraged me to get on the treadmill this evening and so I did. I was only on there for 30 minutes though. Something is better than nothing. I'm going to try to wake up early tomorrow to get a session in. I've been really exhausted lately so we'll see how I manage when my alarm clock goes off tomorrow morning.

Work hasn't been going so well. At least that is my opinion. I do not feel like I'm on par at all. I don't know if that is just me being harsh on myself or what but the feeling has not been great.

Overall, I just feel like I'm totally off my game. 
 

 
May 07, 2013
 
When it rains, it really pours. First, The Suburban broke down. Thank goodness we were home when it wouldn't start. Before knowing what was wrong with it The Husband and I started looking into our best case and worst case scenarios. Best case: nothing was seriously wrong with The Suburban. Worst case: major repair work that will cost us more than the car is worth. To add on to the worst case, we would not make the repairs but buy a new truck. That means, carrying 3 car payments. Financial suicide is what it would be. Thank goodness, for the little bit of luck that we apparently found tucked in the couch cushions, there was nothing major wrong with the car. It just needed new wires, coil, and distributor cap. Dodged a bullet there!

Second, The Migraine decided to pay me a visit. Not fun. It never is. And for me, work just never stops. I was able to rest for about 30 minutes before my 9AM meeting, which lasted a good hour. Then just as I was starting to doze off I get a call from The School Nurse. She had informed me that The Daughter had vomited at school and must be picked up. That was the third thing. There really nothing better than being a sick mama having to deal with a sick child. She wouldn't eat. She just wanted to sleep. I managed to get her to the doctor's office. Apparently she has early stages of Bronchitis. UGH. Since coming home from the doctor's office she has wanted nothing but for me to hold her. Now, that is something I don't mind doing at all as she seldom lets me hold her or cuddle her anymore. Usually I have to bribe her with something just to hold her for 1 minute! And now that she can tell time she knows when 1 minute is up! So hold your babies as often as you can because when they grow up they will want nothing to do with you!

Take The Son for example. He is only 6 years old but he has made it clear that he does not want to be kissed when dropped off at school. Really? Really! When I do plant a kiss on his cheeks I can tell he gets embarrassed. Sometimes he will wipe it off when I didn't even leave any evidence behind. Silly boy. But then, there is The Daughter. She has a whole routine when we drop her off. It starts with her leaning into us for a hug. Next comes a kiss which is followed by a blow kiss. Then comes the exploding fish bump. After that comes a serious of goodbyes; a ton of goodbyes. Then she joins the rest of the crowd and walks off to her classroom. It's hilarious.

Maisee Xiong: Mazda Speed3Here is something totally off the subject that I just have to share with everyone. See that red car? The very last one in this picture? Well, that is my car. It's nothing extrodinary; it's just a Mazda Speed3 (that has been babied to death by The Husband). Really, it has. That thing is nearly 3 years old and it still has the new-car smell. It has never seen rain or snow. And it only has 10K miles on it. I think its sole purpose is to make the garage look good. :) But that's not the point. Anyway, both of the black cars were not parked where they are parked as seen in this picture when I walked into the doctor's office. But when I came out, both of them were there. The owner of the SUV just had to park his car right next to my car. Of all of the open parking spots he had to park next to my car. I didn't just double park in an open area far from the entrance of the building just so he can park right next to my car. I'm pretty confident that even if I had parked at the very end of the parking lot, he would have parked his car right next to mine. There is always that one dumb driver.

Maisee Xiong: La Familia by The DaughterHere is something more exciting to share! The Daughter drew this picture a few days ago. From left to right: The Son, with spiky morning hair; The Daughter, with lots more hair; me, with lots more hair also; and then The Husband, with no hair. Smart girl.

Funny story: One day while lounging on the couch, The Daughter asked me, "Mom. Does hair protect brain?"

Not quite sure where she was going with this, I responded with, "Yeah. Sure..."

"How come Dad doesn't have hair?"

"That's why he doesn't have a brain!" Bada bing bada boom. She made it way too easy for me!
 

 
May 03, 2013
 
Maisee Xiong: The Son and I at McDonald's The Son and I had lunch at McDonald's today before we went to the mall. I got the Filet-O-Fish combo while he stuck to his regular, Chicken McNuggets. He managed to put down 7 nuggets. Usually, he can do 10 but I'm sure it didn't help that he a Jimmy Dean Croissant Sandwich for breakfast and then had an Eggo waffle and cuties for snack. He must be going through a growth spurt. Otherwise, were does he put all this food? He's growing up so fast. I'm sure within a couple of years he'll be taller than me!

After lunch we ended up at Westroads mall. This is the first time in a long time that he has asked to go to the mall so I made sure it happened. I also made sure I refrained myself from going into any of my stores. He would have been so unhappy. So we only went into the stores he wanted to go into. I remained really patient as he went through and pet every video game he could reach in GameStop and Game Central. He got to play in the play area for as long as he wanted. Then I bought him an ICEE and some candy. I totally spoiled him today. But really, how often do I get to hang out with him like this? The kid totally deserved it. :)

We had dinner at Pizza King. The Husband and I absolutely love their prime rib. This time we both got a good cut. What I mean by good cute is that the prime rib had less eye of meat and more ribeye cap. I think what people fail to notice is that the eye of meat is nothing compared to the ribeye cap. So the next time you go out for prime rib, take a bite out of the eye of meat and then take a bite of the ribeye cap. You'll definitely notice the difference and I'm sure you will agree that the ribeye cap is so much more tastier and tender. And this would apply to ribeye steak as well, as prime rib and ribeye steak are the same cut of meat. In fact, I have a 2-inch thick ribeye steak in the fridge right now. I'll make sure I take a picture of it and show what I'm talking about.
 

 
May 01, 2013
 
It is 1:45AM and I am on my second 20 oz bottle of pop. This is definitely not looking good for the diet. I have not been on a scale since 4/26 so this will be interesting to see when I get home later today.

I did get a small amount of sleep but not nearly enough to deal with overseas EMC support. Their accents are killing me right now, having to ask them to repeat everything they say and reminding them to speak slowly. What a cluster fuck with this issue.

* * *

I'm at the airport waiting for my flight. A father and daughter is sitting behind me. She is eating her breakfast and he says, "Is your food good? Who are you thankful for your food? God. And what comes at the end? Uh? Amen." He continues with, "When you do that God is smiling at you." He repeats it 3 more times. I'm glad he is proud of his faith but I don't know if I would be that public about mine. That's just me of course. And in today's society you never know who you'll offend. Sometimes it's best to stay quiet. But by all means do as you please. I wasn't and wouldn't be offended by this stuff. I do have a rather good filtering system if you know what I mean. ;)

Two more hours before I get home. Can't wait. I miss The Husband and The Kids.

* * *

11:45 PM. Since waking up at 6:30AM on 4/30, I have had a total of 5 hours of sleep, with my longest stretch being 2.5 hours. I have completely fucked up my exercise routine and food intake...basically, my body has taken a huge beating on top of the lack of sleep that it has already been deprived of. I'm most certain that the scale will break tomorrow when I jump on it. We'll just have to wait and find out. Good night!
Maisee Xiong